'Mr Rokesmith,' said Bella, taking up her work, and inspecting it all round the corners, 'I wanted to say something to you when Icould have the opportunity, as an explanation why I was rude to you the other day. You have no right to think ill of me, sir.'
The sharp little way in which she darted a look at him, half sensitively injured, and half pettishly, would have been very much admired by the late John Harmon.
'You don't know how well I think of you, Miss Wilfer.'
'Truly, you must have a very high opinion of me, Mr Rokesmith, when you believe that in prosperity I neglect and forget my old home.'
'Do I believe so?'
'You DID, sir, at any rate,' returned Bella.
'I took the liberty of reminding you of a little omission into which you had fallen--insensibly and naturally fallen. It was no more than that.'
'And I beg leave to ask you, Mr Rokesmith,' said Bella, 'why you took that liberty?--I hope there is no offence in the phrase; it is your own, remember.'
'Because I am truly, deeply, profoundly interested in you, Miss Wilfer. Because I wish to see you always at your best. Because I--shall I go on?'
'No, sir,' returned Bella, with a burning face, 'you have said more than enough. I beg that you will NOT go on. If you have any generosity, any honour, you will say no more.'
The late John Harmon, looking at the proud face with the down-cast eyes, and at the quick breathing as it stirred the fall of bright brown hair over the beautiful neck, would probably have remained silent.
'I wish to speak to you, sir,' said Bella, 'once for all, and I don't know how to do it. I have sat here all this evening, wishing to speak to you, and determining to speak to you, and feeling that Imust. I beg for a moment's time.'
He remained silent, and she remained with her face averted, sometimes ****** a slight movement as if she would turn and speak. At length she did so.
'You know how I am situated here, sir, and you know how I am situated at home. I must speak to you for myself, since there is no one about me whom I could ask to do so. It is not generous in you, it is not honourable in you, to conduct yourself towards me as you do.'
'Is it ungenerous or dishonourable to be devoted to you; fascinated by you?'
'Preposterous!' said Bella.
The late John Harmon might have thought it rather a contemptuous and lofty word of repudiation.
'I now feel obliged to go on,' pursued the Secretary, 'though it were only in self-explanation and self-defence. I hope, Miss Wilfer, that it is not unpardonable--even in me--to make an honest declaration of an honest devotion to you.'
'An honest declaration!' repeated Bella, with emphasis.
'Is it otherwise?'
'I must request, sir,' said Bella, taking refuge in a touch of timely resentment, 'that I may not be questioned. You must excuse me if I decline to be cross-examined.'
'Oh, Miss Wilfer, this is hardly charitable. I ask you nothing but what your own emphasis suggests. However, I waive even that question. But what I have declared, I take my stand by. I cannot recall the avowal of my earnest and deep attachment to you, and Ido not recall it.'
'I reject it, sir,' said Bella.
'I should be blind and deaf if I were not prepared for the reply.
Forgive my offence, for it carries its punishment with it.'
'What punishment?' asked Bella.
'Is my present endurance none? But excuse me; I did not mean to cross-examine you again.'
'You take advantage of a hasty word of mine,' said Bella with a little sting of self-reproach, 'to make me seem--I don't know what.
I spoke without consideration when I used it. If that was bad, Iam sorry; but you repeat it after consideration, and that seems to me to be at least no better. For the rest, I beg it may be understood, Mr Rokesmith, that there is an end of this between us, now and for ever.'
'Now and for ever,' he repeated.
'Yes. I appeal to you, sir,' proceeded Bella with increasing spirit, 'not to pursue me. I appeal to you not to take advantage of your position in this house to make my position in it distressing and disagreeable. I appeal to you to discontinue your habit of ****** your misplaced attentions as plain to Mrs Boffin as to me.'
'Have I done so?'
'I should think you have,' replied Bella. 'In any case it is not your fault if you have not, Mr Rokesmith.'
