I have found it of enormous value when I can permit myself to understand the other person.The way in which I have wordedthis statement may seem strange to you，Is it necessary to permit oneself to understand another？I think it is.Our first reaction to most of the statements （which we hear from other people）is an evaluation or judgment，rather than an understanding of it.When someone expresses some feeling，attitude or belief，our tendency is almost immediately to feel “that’s right，”or “that’s stupid，”“that’s abnormal，”“that’s unreasonable，”“that’s incorrect，”“that’s not nice.”Very rarely do we permit ourselves to understand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person.
I once employed an interior decorator to make some draperies for my home.When the bill arrived，I was dismayed.
A few days later，a friend dropped in and looked at the draperies.The price was mentioned，and she exclaimed with a note of triumph：“What？That’s awful.I am afraid he put one over on you.”
True？Yes，she had told the truth，but few people like to listen to truths that reflect on their judgment.So，being human，I tried to defend myself.I pointed out that the best is eventually the cheapest，that one can’t expect to get quality and artistic taste at bargain—basement prices，and so on and on.
The next day another friend dropped in，admired the draperies，bubbled over with enthusiasm，and expressed a wish that she could afford such exquisite creations for her home.My reaction was totally different.“Well，to tell the truth，”I said，“I can’t afford them myself.I paid too much.I’m sorry I ordered them.”
When we are wrong，we may admit it to ourselves.And if we are handled gently and tactfully，we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness and broad-mindedness.But notif someone else is trying to ram the unpalatable fact down our esophagus.
Martin Luther King was asked how，as a pacifist，he could be an admirer of Air Force General Daniel “Chappie”James，then the nation’s highest-ranking black officer.Dr.King replied，“I judge people by their own principles—not by my own.”
In a similar way，General Robert E.Lee once spoke to the president of the Confederacy，Jefferson Davis，in the most glowing terms about a certain officer under his command.Another officer in attendance was astonished.“General，”he said，“do you not know that the man of whom you speak so highly is one of your bitterest enemies who misses no opportunity to malign you？”“Yes，”replied General Lee，“but the president asked my opinion of him；he did not ask for his opinion of me.”
In other words，don’t argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary.Don’t tell them they are wrong，don’t get them stirred up.Use a little diplomacy.
PRNCIPLE 2：
Show respect for the other person’s opinions.
Never say，“You’re wrong.”
Chapter 12
If You’re Wrong，Admit It
Within a minute’s walk of my house there was a wild stretch of virgin timber，where the blackberry thickets foamed white in the springtime，where the squirrels nested and reared their young，and the horseweeds grew as tall as a horse’s head.This unspoiled woodland was called Forest Park—and it was a forest，probably not much different in appearance from what it was when Columbus discovered America.I frequently walked in this park with Rex，my little Boston bulldog.He was a friendly，harmless little hound；and since we rarely met anyone in the park，I took Rex along without a leash or a muzzle.
One day we encountered a mounted policeman in the park，a policeman itching to show his authority.
“What do you mean by letting that dog run loose in the park without a muzzle and leash？”he reprimanded me.“Don’t you know it’s against the law？”
“Yes，I know it is，”I replied softy，“but I didn’t think he would do any harm out here.”
“You didn’t think！You didn’t think！The law doesn’t give a tinker’s damn about what you think.That dog might kill a squirrel or bite a child.Now，I’m going to let you off this time；but if I catch this dog out here again without a muzzle and a leash，you’ll have to tell it to the judge.”
I meekly promised to obey.
And I did obey—for a few times.But Rex didn’t like the muzzle，and neither did I；so we decided to take a chance.Everything waslovely for a while，and then we struck a snag.Rex and I raced over the brow of a hill one afternoon and there，suddenly—to my dismay—I saw the majesty of the law，astride a bay horse.Rex was out in front，heading straight for the officer.
I was in for it.I knew it.So I didn’t wait until the policeman started talking.I beat him to it.I said：“Officer，you’ve caught me red-handed.I’m guilty.I have no alibis，no excuses.You warned me last week that if I brought the dog out here again without a muzzle you would fine me.”
“Well，now，”the policeman responded in a soft tone.“I know it’s a temptation to let a little dog like that have a run out here when nobody is around.”
“Sure it’s a temptation，”I replied，“but it is against the law.”“Well，a little dog like that isn’t going to harm anybody，”thepoliceman remonstrated.
“No，but he may kill squirrels，”I said.
“Well now，I think you are taking this a bit too seriously，”he told me.“I’ll tell you what you do.You just let him run over the hill there where I can’t see him—and we’ll forget all about it.”
That policeman，being human，wanted a feeling of importance；so when I began to condemn myself，the only way he could nourish his self-esteem was to take the magnanimous attitude of showing mercy.
But suppose I had tried to defend myself—well，did you ever argue with a policeman？
But instead of breaking lances with him，I admitted that he was absolutely right and I was absolutely wrong；I admitted it quickly，openly，and with enthusiasm.The affair terminated graciously in my taking his side and his taking my side.
