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第66章 PART 7How to Break the Worry Habit Before It Break

“I was clearing out my desk,getting ready to quit,when I came across a letter that I had forgotten—a letter from this nephew who had been killed,a letter he had written to me when my mother had died a few years ago.‘Of course,we will miss her,’the lettersaid,‘and especially you.But I know you’ll carry on.Your own personal philosophy will make you do that.I shall never forget the beautiful truths you taught me.Wherever I am,or how far apart we may be,I shall always remember that you taught me to smile,and to take whatever comes,like a man.’

“I read and reread that letter.It seemed as if he were there beside me,speaking to me.He seemed to be saying to me:‘Why don’t you do what you taught me to do?Carry on,no matter what happens.Hide your private sorrows under a smile and carry on.’

“So,I went back to my work.I stopped being bitter and rebellious.I kept saying to myself:‘It is done.I can’t change it.But I can and will carry on as he wished me to do.’I threw all my mind and strength into my work.I wrote letters to soldiers—to other people’s boys.I joined an adult-education class at night—seeking out new interests and making new friends.I can hardly believe the change that has come over me.I have ceased mourning over the past that is for ever gone.I am living each day now with joy just as my nephew would have wanted me to do.I have made peace with life.I have accepted my fate.I am now living a fuller and more complete life than I had ever known.”

Elizabeth Connleylearned what all of us will have to learn sooner or later:namely,that we must accept and co-operate with the inevitable.That is not an easy lesson to learn.Even kings on their thrones have to keep reminding themselves of it.The late George V had these framed words hanging on the wall of his library in Buckingham Palace:“Teach me neither to cry for the moon nor over spilt milk.”The same thought is expressed by Schopenhauer in this way:“A good supply of resignation is of the first importance in providing for the journey of life.”

Obviously,circumstances alone do not make us happy or unhappy.It is the way we react to circumstances that determinesour feelings.Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven is within you.That is where the kingdom of hell is,too.

We can all endure disaster and tragedy and triumph over them—if we have to.We may not think we can,but we have surprisingly strong inner resources that will see us through if we will only make use of them.We are stronger than we think.

The late Booth Tarkington always said:“I could take anything that life could force upon me except one thing:blindness.I could never endure that.”

Then one day,when he was along in his sixties,Tarkington glanced down at the carpet on the floor.The colours were blurred.He couldn’t see the pattern.He went to a specialist.He learned the tragic truth:he was losing his sight.One eye was nearly blind;the other would follow.That which he feared most had come upon him.

And how did Tarkington react to this “worst of all disasters”?Did he feel:“This is it!This is the end of my life”?No,to his amazement,he felt quite gay.He even called upon his humour.Floating “specks”annoyed him;they would swim across his eyes and cut off his vision.Yet when the largest of these specks would swim across his sight,he would say:“Hello!There’s Grandfather again!Wonder where he’s going on this fine morning!”

How could fate ever conquer a spirit like that?The answer is it couldn’t.When total blindness closed in,Tarkington said:“I found I could take the loss of my eyesight,just as a man can take anything else.If I lost all five of my senses,I know I could live on inside my mind.For it is in the mind we see,and in the mind we live,whether we know it or not.”

In the hope of restoring his eyesight,Tarkington had to go through more than twelve operations within one year.With local anaesthetic!Did he rail against this?He knew it had to bedone.He knew he couldn’t escape it,so the only way to lessen his suffering was to take it with grace.He refused a private room at the hospital and went into a ward,where he could be with other people who had troubles,too.He tried to cheer them up.And when he had to submit to repeated operations—fully conscious of what was being done to his eyes—he tried to remember how fortunate he was.“How wonderful!”he said.“How wonderful,that science now has the skill to operate on anything so delicate as the human eye!”

The average man would have been a nervous wreck if he had had to endure more than twelve operations and blindness.Yet Tarkington said:“I would not exchange this experience for a happier one.”It taught him acceptance.It taught him that nothing life could bring him was beyond his strength to endure.It taught him,as John Milton discovered,that “It is not miserable to be blind,it is only miserable not to be able to endure blindness.”

If we rail and kick against it and grow bitter,we won’t change the inevitable;but we will change ourselves.I know.I have tried it.

I once refused to accept an inevitable situation with which I was confronted.I played the fool and railed against it,and rebelled.I turned my nights into hells of insomnia.I brought upon myself everything I didn’t want.Finally,after a year of self-torture,I had to accept what I knew from the outset I couldn’t possibly alter.

I should have cried out years ago with old Walt Whitman:

Oh,to confront night,storms,hunger,

Ridicule,accident,rebuffs as the trees and animals do.

I spent twelve years working with cattle;yet I never saw a Jersey cow running a temperature because the pasture was burning up from a lack of rain or because of sleet and cold or because her boy friend was paying too much attention to anotherheifer.The animals confront night,storms,and hunger calmly;so they never have nervous breakdowns or stomach ulcers;and they never go insane.

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