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第88章 PART 7How to Break the Worry Habit Before It Break

How did this bed-ridden invalid get so much out of life?I’ll give you two guesses.Did he do it by complaining and criticising?No....By wallowing in self-pity and demanding that he be the centre of attention and everyone cater to him?No....Still wrong.He didit by adopting as his slogan the motto of the Prince of Wales:“Ich dien”—“I serve.”He accumulated the names and addresses of other invalids and cheered both them and himself by writing happy,encouraging letters.In fact,he organised a letterwriting club for invalids and got them writing letters to one another.Finally,he formed a national organisation called the Shut-in Society.

As he lay in bed,he wrote an average of fourteen hundred letters a year and brought joy to thousands of invalids by getting radios and books for shut-ins.

What was the chief difference between Dr.Loope and a lot of other people?Just this:Dr.Loope had the inner glow of a man with a purpose,a mission.He had the joy of knowing that he was being used by an idea far nobler and more significant than himself,instead of being as Shaw put it:“a selfcentred,little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world would not devote itself to making him happy.”

Here is the most astonishing statement that I ever read from the pen of a great psychiatrist.This statement was made by Alfred Adler.He used to say to his melancholia patients:“You can be cured in fourteen days if you follow this preion.Try to think every day how you can please someone.”

That statement sounds so incredible that I feel I ought to try to explain it by quoting a couple of pages from Dr.Adler’s splendid book,What Life Should Mean to You.

“Melancholia,”says Adler in What Life Should Mean to You:“is like a long-continued rage and reproach against others,though for the purpose of gaining care,sympathy and support,the patient seems only to be dejected about his own guilt.A melancholiac’s first memory is generally something like this:‘I remember I wanted to lie on the couch,but my brother was lying there.I cried so much that he had to leave.’

“Melancholiacs are often inclined to revenge themselves by committing suicide,and the doctor’s first care is to avoid giving them an excuse for suicide.I myself try to relieve the whole tension by proposing to them,as the first rule in treatment,‘Never do anything you don’t like.’this seems to be very modest,but I believe that it goes to the root of the whole trouble If a melancholiac is able to do anything he wants,whom can he accuse?What has he got to revenge himself for?‘If you want to go to the theatre,’I tell him,‘or to go on a holiday,do it.If you find on the way that you don’t want to,stop it.’It is the best situation anyone could be in.It gives a satisfaction to his striving for superiority.He is like God and can do what he pleases.On the other hand,it does not fit very easily into his style of life.He wants to dominate and accuse others and if they agree with him there is no way of dominating them.This rule is a great relief and I have never had a suicide among my patients.

“Generally the patient replies:‘But there is nothing I like doing.’I have prepared for this answer,because I have heard it so often.‘then refrain from doing anything you dislike,’I say.Sometimes,however,he will reply:‘I should like to stay in bed all day.’I know that,if I allow it,he will no longer want to do it.I know that,if I hinder him,he will start a war.I always agree.

“This is one rule.Another attacks their style of life more directly.I tell them:‘You can be cured in fourteen days if you follow this preion.Try to think every day how you can please someone.’See what this means to them.They are occupied with the thought.‘How can I worry someone.’the answers are very interesting.Some say:‘this will be very easy for me.I have done it all my life.’they have never done it.I ask them to think it over.They do not think it over.I tell them:‘You can make use of all the time you spend when you are unable to go to sleep by thinking how you can please someone,and it will be a big step forward in your health.’When I see them next day,I ask them:‘did you think over what I suggested?’they answer:‘Lastnight I went to sleep as soon as I got to bed.’All this must be done,of course,in a modest,friendly manner,without a hint of superiority.

“Others will answer:‘I could never do it.I am so worried.’I tell them:‘don’t stop worrying;but at the same time you can think now and then of others.’I want to direct their interest always towards their fellows.Many say:‘Why should I please others?Others do not try to please me.’‘You must think of your health,’I answer.The others will suffer later on.It is extremely rare that I have found a patient who said:‘I have thought over what you suggested.’All my efforts are devoted towards increasing the social interest of the patient.I know that the real reason for his malady is his lack of co-operation and I want him to see it too.As soon as he can connect himself with his fellow men on an equal and cooperative footing,he is cured....The most important task imposed by religion has always been ‘Love thy neighbour’....It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow man who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others.It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring....All that we demand of a human being,and the highest praise we can give him is that he should be a good fellow worker,a friend to all other men,and a true partner in love and marriage.”

Dr.Adler urges us to do a good deed every day.And what is a good deed?“A good deed,”said the prophet Mohammed,“is one that brings a smile of joy to the face of another.”

Why will doing a good deed every day produce such astounding efforts on the doer?Because trying to please others will cause us to stop thinking of ourselves:the very thing that produces worry and fear and melancholia.

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