“I never go into a hotel or a barber-shop or a store without saying something agreeable to everyone I meet.I try to say something that treats them as an individual—not merely a cog in a machine.I sometimes compliment the girl who waits on me in the store by telling her how beautiful her eyes areor her hair.I will ask a barber if he doesn’t get tired standing on his feet all day.I’ll ask him how he came to take up barbering—how long he has been at it and how many heads of hair he has cut.I’ll help him figure it out.I find that taking an interest in people makes them beam with pleasure.I frequently shake hands with a redcap who has carried my grip.It gives him a new lift and freshens him up for the whole day.One extremely hot summer day，I went into the dining car to have lunch.The crowded car was almost like a furnace and the service was slow.When the steward finally got around to handing me the menu，I said：‘the boys back there cooking in that hot kitchen certainly must be suffering today.’the steward began to curse.At first，I thought he was angry.‘Good God Almighty，’he exclaimed，‘the people come in here and complain about the food.They kick about the slow service and growl about the heat and the prices.I have listened to their criticisms for nineteen years and you are the first person and the only person that has ever expressed any sympathy for the cooks back there in the boiling kitchen.I wish to God we had more passengers like you.’
“The steward was astounded because I had thought of the coloured cooks as human beings，and not merely as cogs in the organisation of a great railway.What people want，”continued Professor Phelps，“is a little attention as human beings.When Imeet a man on the street with a beautiful dog，I always comment on the dog’s beauty.As I walk on and glance back over my shoulder，I frequently see the man petting and admiring the dog.My appreciation has renewed his appreciation.
“One time in England，I met a shepherd，and expressed my sincere admiration for his big intelligent sheepdog.I asked him to tell me how he trained the dog.As I walked away，I glanced back over my shoulder and saw the dog standing with his paws on the shepherd’s shoulders and the shepherd was petting him.By taking a little interest in the shepherd and his dog，I made the shepherd happy.I made the dog happy and I made myself happy.”
Can you imagine a man who goes around shaking hands with porters and expressing sympathy for the cooks in the hot kitchen—and telling people how much he admires their dogs—can you imagine a man like that being sour and worried and needing the services of a psychiatrist？You can’t，can you？No，of course not.A Chinese proverb puts it this way：“A bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives you roses.”
You didn’t have to tell that to Billy Phelps of Yale.He knew it.He lived it.
If you are a man，skip this paragraph.It won’t interest you.It tells how a worried，unhappy girl got several men to propose to her.The girl who did that is a grandmother now.A few years ago，I spent the night in her and her husband’s home.I had been giving a lecture in her town；and the next morning she drove me about fifty miles to catch a train on the main line to New York Central.We got to talking about winning friends，and she said：
“Mr.Carnegie，I am going to tell you something that I have never confessed to anyone before—not even to my husband.”Was reared in a social-register family in Philadelphia.“The tragedy of my girlhood and young womanhood，was our poverty.Wecould never entertain the way the other girls in my social set entertained.My clothes were never of the best quality.I outgrew them and they didn’t fit and they were often out of style.I was so humiliated，so ashamed，that I often cried myself to sleep.Finally，in sheer desperation，I hit upon the idea of always asking my partner at dinner—parties to tell me about his experiences，his ideas，and his plans for the future.I didn’t ask these questions because I was especially interested in the answers.I did it solely to keep my partner from looking at my poor clothes.But a strange thing happened：as I listened to these young men talk and learned more about them，I really became interested in listening to what they had to say.I became so interested that I myself sometimes forgot about my clothes.But the astounding thing to me was this：since I was a good listener and encouraged the boys to talk about themselves，I gave them happiness and I gradually became the most popular girl in our social group and three of these men proposed marriage to me.”
Some people who read this chapter are going to say：“All this talk about getting interested in others is a lot of damn nonsense！Sheer religious pap！None of that stuff for me！I am going to put money in my purse.I am going to grab all I can get—and grab it now—and to hell with the other dumb clucks！”
Well，if that is your opinion，you are entitled to it；but if you are right，then all the great philosophers and teachers since the beginning of recorded history—Jesus，Confucius，Buddha，Plato，Aristotle，Socrates，Saint Francis—were all wrong.But since you may sneer at the teachings of religious leaders，let’s turn for advice to a couple of atheists.First，let’s take the late A.
E.Housman，professor at Cambridge University，and one of the most distinguished scholars of his generation.In 1936，he gave an address at Cambridge University on “The Name and Nature of Poetry”.It that address，he declared that “the greatest truth everuttered and the most profound moral discovery of all time were those words of Jesus：‘He that findeth his life shall lose it：and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.’”
We have heard preachers say that all our lives.But Housman was an atheist，a pessimist，a man who contemplated suicide；and yet he felt that the man who thought only of himself wouldn’t get much out of life.He would be miserable.But the man who forgot himself in service to others would find the joy of living.
If you are not impressed by what A.E.Housman said，let’s turn for advice to the most distinguished American atheist of the twentieth century：Theodore Dreiser.Dreiser ridiculed all religions as fairy tales and regarded life as “a tale told by an idiot，full of sound and fury，signifying nothing.”Yet Dreiser advocated the one great principle that Jesus taught-service to others.“If he [man]is to extract any joy out of his span，”Dreiser said，“he must think and plan to make things better not only for himself but for others，since joy for himself depends upon his joy in others and theirs in him.”
If we are going “to make things better for others”—as Dreiser advocated—let’s be quick about it.Time is a wastin’.“I shall pass this way but once.Therefore any good that I can do or any kindness that I can show—let me do it now.Let me not defer nor neglect it，for I shall not pass this way again.”
So if you want to banish worry and cultivate peace and happiness，here is Rule 7：
Forget yourself by becoming interested in others.Do every day a good deed that will put a smile of joy on someone’s face.
