登陆注册
8778300000070

第70章 27The Hand that Riles the World(2)

“She had on a low necked dress covered with silverspangles, and diamond rings and ear bobs. Her arms wasbare; and she was using a desk telephone with one hand,and drinking tea with the other.

“‘Well, boys,’ says she after a bit, ‘what is it?’

“I told her in as few words as possible what we wantedfor Bill, and the price we could pay.

“‘Those western appointments,’ says she, ‘are easy. Le’mesee, now,’ says she, ‘who could put that through for us. Nouse fooling with the Territorial delegates. I guess,’ says she,‘that Senator Sniper would be about the man. He’s fromsomewheres in the West. Let’s see how he stands on myprivate menu card.’ She takes some papers out of a pigeonholewith the letter ‘S’ over it.

“‘Yes,’ says she, ‘he’s marked with a star; that means“ready to serve.” Now, let’s see. “Age 55; married twice;Presbyterian, likes blondes, Tolstoi, poker and stewedterrapin; sentimental at third bottle of wine.” Yes,’ shegoes on, ‘I am sure I can have your friend, Mr. Bummer,appointed Minister to Brazil.’

“‘Humble,’ says I. ‘And United States Marshal was theberth.’

“‘Oh, yes,’ says Mrs. Avery. ‘I have so many deals ofthis sort I sometimes get them confused. Give me all thememoranda you have of the case, Mr. Peters, and comeback in four days. I think it can be arranged by then.’

“So me and Andy goes back to our hotel and waits.

Andy walks up and down and chews the left end of hismustache.

“‘A woman of high intellect and perfect beauty is a rarething, Jeff,’ says he.

“‘As rare,’ says I, ‘as an omelet made from the eggs of thefabulous bird known as the epidermis,’ says I.

“‘A woman like that,’ says Andy, ‘ought to lead a man tothe highest positions of opulence and fame.’

“‘I misdoubt,’ says I, ‘if any woman ever helped a manto secure a job any more than to have his meals readypromptly and spread a report that the other candidate’swife had once been a shoplifter. They are no moreadapted for business and politics,’ says I, ‘than AlgernonCharles Swinburne is to be floor manager at one ofChuck Connor’s annual balls. I know,’ says I to Andy, ’thatsometimes a woman seems to step out into the kalsominelight as the charge d’affaires of her man’s political job. Buthow does it come out? Say, they have a neat little berthsomewhere as foreign consul of record to Afghanistan orlockkeeper on the Delaware and Raritan Canal. One daythis man finds his wife putting on her overshoes and threemonths supply of bird seed into the canary’s cage. “SiouxFalls?” he asks with a kind of hopeful light in his eye. “No,Arthur,” says she, “Washington. We’re wasted here,” saysshe. “You ought to be Toady Extraordinary to the Court ofSt. Bridget or Head Porter of the Island of Porto Rico. I’mgoing to see about it.”

“‘Then this lady,’ I says to Andy, ‘moves against theauthorities at Washington with her baggage and munitions,consisting of five dozen indiscriminating letters written toher by a member of the Cabinet when she was 15; a letterof introduction from King Leopold to the SmithsonianInstitution, and a pink silk costume with canary coloredspats.

“‘Well and then what?’ I goes. ‘She has the lettersprinted in the evening papers that match her costume, shelectures at an informal tea given in the palm room of theB. & O. Depot and then calls on the President. The ninthAssistant Secretary of Commerce and Labor, the first aidede-camp of the Blue Room and an unidentified coloredman are waiting there to grasp her by the hands—and feet.

They carry her out to S.W.B. street and leave her on acellar door. That ends it. The next time we hear of her sheis writing postcards to the Chinese Minister asking him toget Arthur a job in a tea store.’

“‘Then,’ says Andy, ‘you don’t think Mrs. Avery will landthe Marshalship for Bill?’

“‘I do not,’ says I. ‘I do not wish to be a sceptic, butI doubt if she can do as well as you and me could havedone.’

“‘I don’t agree with you,’ says Andy. ‘I’ll bet you she does.

I’m proud of having a higher opinion of the talent and thepowers of negotiation of ladies.’

“We was back at Mrs. Avery’s hotel at the time sheappointed. She was looking pretty and fine enough, as faras that went, to make any man let her name every officerin the country. But I hadn’t much faith in looks, so I wascertainly surprised when she pulls out a document withthe great seal of the United States on it, and ‘WilliamHenry Humble’ in a fine, big hand on the back.

“‘You might have had it the next day, boys,’ says Mrs.

Avery, smiling. ‘I hadn’t the slightest trouble in gettingit,’ says she. ‘I just asked for it, that’s all. Now, I’d like totalk to you a while,’ she goes on, ‘but I’m awfully busy,and I know you’ll excuse me. I’ve got an Ambassadorship,two Consulates and a dozen other minor applications tolook after. I can hardly find time to sleep at all. You’ll givemy compliments to Mr. Humble when you get home, ofcourse.’

“Well, I handed her the 500, which she pitched into herdesk drawer without counting. I put Bill’s appointment inmy pocket and me and Andy made our adieus.

“We started back for the Territory the same day. Wewired Bill: ‘Job landed; get the tall glasses ready,’ and wefelt pretty good.

“Andy joshed me all the way about how little I knewabout women.

“‘All right,’ says I. ‘I’ll admit that she surprised me. Butit’s the first time I ever knew one of ’em to manipulate apiece of business on time without getting it bungled up insome way,’ says I.

“Down about the edge of Arkansas I got out Bill’sappointment and looked it over, and then I handed it toAndy to read. Andy read it, but didn’t add any remarks tomy silence.

“The paper was for Bill, all right, and a genuine document,but it appointed him postmaster of Dade City, Fla.

“Me and Andy got off the train at Little Rock and sentBill’s appointment to him by mail. Then we struck northeasttoward Lake Superior.

“I never saw Bill Humble after that.”

同类推荐
  • 中小学生必读丛书:鲁滨逊漂流记

    中小学生必读丛书:鲁滨逊漂流记

    本书是被称为“现代小说之父”的英国著名作家丹尼尔·笛福的代表作。在西方文学史上,鲁滨孙的形象众所周之,他航海遇险,一个人漂流到南美洲某荒岛,靠着双手和工具,造房子,修田地、种粮食,养牲畜,还从土著的刀下救了一个人,取名礼拜五,收为自己的奴隶……鲁滨孙用28年的时间把荒岛建设成为一个世外桃源,最后又奇迹般地回到欧洲,成为巨富。
  • 万用英语表达宝典

    万用英语表达宝典

    无论是去英美国家旅游、工作、学习深造,还是感受英美文化的魅力,掌握最基本的英语口语都是第一需要。这里有英语万用会话黄金句,一定会碰上的近300个高频使用情境,及典型的生活口语!全面的编写内容+丰富的表达方式+易查的会话宝典,既可以满足英语初学者的入门需要,又可以满足那些具有一定基础、需要在较短时间内迅速提高口语水平的学习者的学习要求。让你一书在手,口语无忧。
  • 《21世纪大学英语》配套教材.阅读.2

    《21世纪大学英语》配套教材.阅读.2

    本系列教材是普通高等教育国家级重点教材《21世纪大学英语》的配套系列教材,包括《阅读》、《口语》和《词汇》三种,每一种分一、二、三册,供大学非英语专业的基础英语课堂教学和练习使用。《阅读》以提高学生的阅读能力为目的。第一册和第二册每册十单元。每一单元介绍一种阅读技能,并带针对性训练。各单元还配有三篇快速阅读,旨在通过反复训练以帮助学生掌握阅读技能,提高阅读速度。第三册以介绍文学名著为主,通过对各种不同文体和风格的文字进行讲解与分析,以增强学生对文学作品的欣赏能力。
  • 那些难以忘怀的电影

    那些难以忘怀的电影

    该丛书由美国英语教师协会推荐,特点有三:内文篇目取自中外最经典、最权威、最流行的读本,适于诵读;“实战提升”部分,包括影片赏析、单词注解、脱口而出的句子,在重温经典中轻松掌握地道英语!
  • 选一种姿态,让自己活得无可替代

    选一种姿态,让自己活得无可替代

    本书为中英双语读物。精巧的故事、有趣的翻译、地道的英文,让读者既能体味微型小说里人性的丰富复杂,又能深层次地品读英文语言的特色表达与艺术之美,是文学爱好者和英语学习者的必备读物。《选一种姿态,让自己活得无可替代》选取25篇启迪智慧、发人深省的故事,让你在阅读中思索人生的真谛。
热门推荐
  • 化神s

    化神s

    痛苦、绝望、害怕,各种各种负面情绪,让他觉得活着是一种痛苦,但是获得某个东西彻底改变了他……
  • 夜与莺

    夜与莺

    盈盈月光,她立于梧桐树下,望着空中那轮皎月,回首这十年来的风雨,曾经深深爱过,痴痴等过,傻傻恨过,年少轻狂与好友潇洒,仗剑江湖嫉恶如仇,往事种种,那些曾经的相遇与离别都在眼前浮现,那些笑脸与眼泪都还依稀记得,不禁出神了许久。“起风了,回屋吧。”温柔的声音自身后响起,落入一个温暖的怀抱她转过头,看到那温暖的面容,微微一笑。这一生,因为有这一个人,便值得了。
  • 大能都为我讲道

    大能都为我讲道

    无高人点化,无师承引导,始终不得入修行之门的易宁忽然发现,他竟可回过往灵山净土,听佛陀辩法,闻罗汉讲经,更可观圣人讲道,道祖授法……这修炼速度,是不是太快了一点?易宁陷入了深深的自我反省之中!
  • 为什么我不能一直爱下去

    为什么我不能一直爱下去

    自从遇见他便不能自拔,以前的经历让自己觉得自己太不配没有自信,后来她能否突破自己的思想勇敢下去,追寻属于自己的爱情。。。。。。
  • 团宠大佬要逆天

    团宠大佬要逆天

    她是整个杀手界都不敢妄想的传奇,出任务时无一败绩,可谁都不知道她长什么样,更不知道她的个人信息,只知道她是一个女生,她隐藏身份,留在了一所大学。却遇到了校草,校草人帅有钱还很暖。忽然有一天,校草一把抱住她:“我终于找到你了。”她对上了那双眸子,今昔今日,早已不知是谁先沦陷……男女主马甲众多,男强女强,一起和我来扒马甲吧(???????)?本文有点架空哦!“纪律委员竟然给你送饭!”“那是我哥……”“影帝邀请你参加节目!!”“那也是我哥……”“那个逗逼是谁?”“我哥……”“这个超帅的帅哥也是你哥?”某人眼睛睁得大大的看着白梓汐。“不是……”“哦,吓死了。”某人松了一口气。。“那是我男朋友……”“……”一家子都是男神,请收下我的膝盖!!!
  • 新课标课外快乐阅读丛书——快乐心灵的神童故事

    新课标课外快乐阅读丛书——快乐心灵的神童故事

    为了全面提高广大中小学生的知识基础,培养阅读的兴趣和爱好,这套课外读物主要包括有关成长、生命、神童、亲情、爱心、感恩、母爱、父爱、心态、美德、人格、幽默、思维、习惯、励志、真情、名人、英雄、语文、数学、名著、唐诗、地理、历史、美术、音乐、文学、电影、谜语、哲学、哲理、信仰、智慧、文明、发现、科幻、推理、侦探、战争、探险、惊险、财富、时尚、神话、民间、公主、医学、天文、寓言、建筑、名胜、海洋、奥秘、奇趣、植物、动物的故事,既有一般的故事,也有知识故事,这样,把阅读故事与掌握知识结合起来,就能扩大阅读的深度和范围,这正是设计本套新课标课外读物的最大特色。
  • 代言与立言

    代言与立言

    本书对新时期文学与启蒙言说作出了深刻的分析。分为:新时期文学启蒙精神脉络的发展、新时期启蒙文学的主题研究、新时期启蒙文学的形象研究、新时期启蒙文学的审美形态、新时期启蒙文学的作家作品分析五部分。
  • 不可控之手

    不可控之手

    神是由人的信仰而生,所谓诸神的黄昏,不过是人们负面情绪的集合。看似高高在上的诸神,为改变自己的命运拼劲全力。看似如同蝼蚁的人们,却是命运的书写者。
  • 天行

    天行

    号称“北辰骑神”的天才玩家以自创的“牧马冲锋流”战术击败了国服第一弓手北冥雪,被誉为天纵战榜第一骑士的他,却受到小人排挤,最终离开了效力已久的银狐俱乐部。是沉沦,还是再次崛起?恰逢其时,月恒集团第四款游戏“天行”正式上线,虚拟世界再起风云!
  • 龙之梦

    龙之梦

    佛曰:至阳之躯才可通龙。白至说不信命,亦无视。魔曰:万物我为王之者。白至依旧不理,水滴石穿,三十年河东三十年河西。信则有不信则无。妖曰:你我有九生,千万年姻缘。我也不信命。所以这一生我们必定要厮守。话毕她便把他们的九世记忆传给了他这一刻他信命了。可又该何去何从?